the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
