garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
