Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.

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(248): View more from Michigan

thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

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(301): View more from Maryland

This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list

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(210): View more from Texas

Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7

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