Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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