He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
