ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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