I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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