just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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