man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
