I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
