This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
