What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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