my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
