I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
