so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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