this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His hands were made for my vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
