I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
