I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I understand Curling. That high.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
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