I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need water and some morals
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize