Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry uhohmarie hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.

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(425): View more from Washington

There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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(713): View more from Texas

you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.

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(207): View more from Maine

Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?

(1-301): View more from Maryland

It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.

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(937): View more from Ohio

He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling

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(312): View more from Illinois

Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.

(719): View more from Colorado

You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?

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