I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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