none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
