Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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