Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's just like the Real World with babies
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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