i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
did you just send me my own nude
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
