Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize