Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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