My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize