You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize