you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
