everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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