Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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