fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
