I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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