im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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