He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ketchup is God's man juice
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize