Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
