I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dignity is for republicans.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
