i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
