is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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