I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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