Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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