Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
