i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize