if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
