you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
