Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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