I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im about as happy as oj after his trial
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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