Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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