i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
