You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
