I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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