do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i would punch a child for taco bell
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ketchup is God's man juice
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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