saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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