I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
