don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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