This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
