I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
