better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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