if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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