PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
