We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
