on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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