i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
