Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
