Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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