i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This baby is an asshole
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
