Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
