OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Even my vagina gasped.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
