you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
