Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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