Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
