So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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