Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
