I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
