Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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